Have you ever been in a position in
life where you really wanted something, and as you went to pick it up
and take it, someone else arrived and announced they wanted it too?
What did you do? I know I have been 'guilty' of being 'considerate'
and letting the other person have it instead of me because I wanted
to be nice.
But then I didn't have the thing and I
know, somewhere deep inside me, I believed that person deserved it
more than me.
It was only when I got angry with
someone farting in front of me and it was smelly, after I had
repeatedly asked them not to do that that I had my breakthrough
epiphany on it: Why are some people okay with me being uncomfortable
just so they can be comfortable? Why can't that person exercise some
manners and go for a walk to unleash the gaseous vomit ball from
their ass? Yes, farting is natural, but you don't have to rub it in
people's faces. Where is the consideration of others? In that
instance it was nowhere and it pissed me off that this person was
alright with me being uncomfortable during their complacency.
Farts aside, this is not the only time
I've become acutely aware that some people expect others to sacrifice
what they want for themselves, so they can have what they want for
themselves, without a care in the world that the person is not
feeling fulfilled and enriched and return in the situation.
This happens a lot in relationships of
all kinds. One person will take it upon themselves to give more,
while the other will feel they are entitled to take more, and the
situation can end up extremely unbalanced with the giver constantly
overcompensating by wanting to give even more to earn that they can
begin to receive in return. It's a never ending cycle that just sees
one half of the dynamic becoming increasingly unhappy, and regardless
of if they have asked for what they need, the taker manages to
rationalise why they need it more, as if there is some reason they
deserve more or are more important.
I'm here to tell you: you don't have to
earn the right to also receive. You don't have to be okay with
someone else being inconsiderate. You don't have to be okay with
someone else putting their needs ahead of yours and not meeting your
needs.
You are as worthy as the person next to
you of your dreams and desires, and ultimately, if you're letting
someone else convince you that they deserve something more than you,
and you allow them to get more than you, it's nobody else's fault but
your own.
Where you can begin to “strengthen
your skills” is working on your self worth. Ask yourself: Why do I
think this person can have this more than I believe I can have it? Is
it valid? No, I can't think of one darn good reason why you should
give up what you want for yourself just so someone else can be happy
and not give a shit about what you want.
I have been there, in situations, where
I have decided to ask for what I needed to feel fulfilled in a
situation. I have been there, in the position where the person
rationalises bad behaviour and selfishness. I have been in positions
where I have asked and people have told me what I wanted to hear,
only to do what they want anyway and not uphold their end of the
deal. This kind of behaviour is not ok, and you don't have to be okay
with it.
I have got to the point, after
repeatedly asking people for what I need calmly, rationally and
nicely for months before I have got to the point where I am so
resentful and angry that I explode in an eruption of Aries fire.
These days, I have learned, I honour
myself by having the courage to open my mouth and ask for what I
need. I only need to ask once. My energy, attention, and time are
valuable and I now choose to conserve my energy for creative
endeavours, and I refuse to fight for what I deserve. I know my
value, I know what I bring to the table, and I know that I have every
right to live a happy life where my needs are also being met by
whoever I am engaging with in whatever dynamic it is. If I ask
nicely, and I am not taken seriously by the person the first time, I
see that they have their own issues to work through in response to
giving and receiving with balance, and I will take the time to bring
to their awareness that I have an issue with my needs not being met.
If from there, the other person still
doesn't begin to collaborate, having had the awareness brought to
them, I walk the fuck away. The people I deserve to have in my life
will hear me and take me seriously when I ask for what I need the
first time, and if it's something they feel they can't participate in
without betrayal themselves at a fundamental level, a conversation
would then need to be opened up to see if some compromise can be made
where both parties are happy.
I have noticed, when meeting new people
in whatever environment format, in the beginning people will always
push to see what they can get away with. I have made a firm promise
to myself to speak my truth calmly but clearly from the very
beginning. Still, there are some people who will continue to push my
boundaries long after I've said no and stuck with it... and those
people learn the hard way that a human can only be patient and
tolerant for so long before even the most tolerant person has had
enough and puts their foot down in a way that some may say is
disproportionate.
I have had this experience recently.
For months I asked someone not to smoke inside their room, where I am
the property manager. For months I spoke nicely, yet this person
continued to the point where I even warned them I would not be asking
nicely if I had to speak again. And still, they continued. When it
got to the point where I exploded in an Aries fire after three months
of asking nicely, they asked me why I had to be like that.
At that point, if you find yourself in
that situation, you may find yourself being made to feel shameful for
being angry, but I say unleash it. Show them you have been reasonable
all along. Don't be ashamed for your anger. This person repeatedly
violated what you have been within your power to request. Ask them
why it had to get to the point where you were this angry before they
took you seriously?
I'm obviously not condoning violence or
swearing at people or violating them in return, but I feel a good
dose of unleashing the shadow side in each of us is necessary when
someone tries to walk all over us or take advantage of the goodness
and goodwill we've been extending all along. And then, stand your
ground. In no way possible can you remotely show you feel bad or
ashamed for unleashing your shadow to stand up for yourself. This is
the most crucial time for you to stand firm and stick to what you've
said with conviction and resolution. If you cave now just because
you're worried about what they'll think of you for yelling or
expressing your anger, you're going to be toast and you will be
giving your power away to them completely. They know that if they
push hard enough, you will cave and implode on your value system and
that they've got you where they want you.
I have walked through my house feeling
like a complete villain after putting down clear boundaries from day
one, but I stand tall and walk with my head held high even though I
know people may be talking about me. What I think of myself and me
honouring myself is more important than any relationship I've ever
had with anyone else, be it a partner, a friend, a sibling, or a
parent.
Of course, once your shadow side comes
out to play while it stands up for you, so too will the other
person's. This is where people show you their true colours. Some
people fight fair, and others get more and more underhanded the
closer they get to losing. Their ego will do anything to win. At this
point, you should have a clear picture of exactly what kind of person
you're dealing with and you can make a clear decision on whether or
not you want people like that in your life. Do not be afraid of
confrontations. Some confrontations are necessary for people to
establish some common respect. You don't have to play the role of
peace keeper, and you don't have to play the role of sacrificial
lamb.
You deserve to get what you want from
life too. You deserve to get it peacefully and harmoniously, but if
someone is walking all over you repeatedly, it's ok to bring the old
shadow out to honour your boundaries.
Once the dust settles, they will know
to take you seriously the first time you ask. Unless they're
completely stuck in a cycle within themselves, in which case, it may
be time to release them from your orbit to stop any emotional or
energetic drain on your precious energy and being.
Click here to schedule a session with me online to explore your personal evolution or get personal guidance.
I can assist you in learning to:
*Raise your vibration, expand your consciousness, or manifest your desires.
*Transform and become a conscious creator and choice maker.
*Shift
through your self-limiting beliefs and step into a fuller, more vibrant
version of yourself, and live your happiest, healthiest, wealthiest,
best life.
Comments
Post a Comment